Strong Black men

White d-bags love sports because sports allow a White d-bag to interact naturally with Strong Black Men (SBM). SBMs are important to d-bags because they prove the central thesis on which every d-bag bases his life: authenticity comes from strength. On the field or on the court, there is no black and white (it’s mostly black), there is no rich and poor, there is no educated and ignorant. On the field or on the court all that counts is hustle, determination and muscle mass. Even though some Black Americans still seem to hate d-bags (e.g. Jeremiah Wright saying racism is d-baggery), interacting with an SBM reassures the White d-bag that not only is he not a racist, he is in fact less racist than other white people. How is this possible?

In the first place a White d-bag often hides his actual racial hatreds under an umbrella of pseudo-ironic, overt racism: “Hey, I’m an equal opportunity racist — I hate everybody: Blacks, Jews, Spics, Apu’s and Ching-Chongs.” This is to say that consistent, evenly applied d-baggery is paradoxically not d-baggery. However, this may not be enough to win the confidence of an understandably skittish SBM who, though he resents people telling him they “know how he feels”, probably also isn’t cool with hearing that you’re a prick to everyone in the world, not just him.

When faced with this problem a White d-bag may take the argument a step further: “But you know who I hate most of all?” the d-bag says, “White people. Yeah. Sometimes it’s hard being the blackest man in the room.” This gambit often arouses the pity of an SBM, but not his respect. To win that prize one must engage him in an arena of sport, one that is colorblind, like the basketball court or the golf links. Here SBM and White d-bags can put off their cumbersome racial costumes and engage each other as men — without prejudice or advantage. Only here, after a white d-bag has bested his Black competitor in an even match, can he truly say his is a friend of the Black man.