Principles

Take a principled stand. You can always change your mind later.
What makes a d-bag special, different from other kinds of mortals, is their deep insight into Truth. It is because they say it’s so, and not because it corresponds to to any coherent set of facts. Sometimes this attitude is described as post-skeptical, or post-ironic. [...]

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D-bags in the news: Antonin Scalia

Justice Scalia is most well known for his “strict constructionist” approach to judicial interpretation of the constitution, and his well-connected hunting buddies. Both make him a paragon of d-baggery, but the decision handed down today in District of Columbia v. Heller proves Scalia is one of our leading d-bags.
Though law is generally a subject that bores [...]

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Dictionary of National D-bags: Rush Limbaugh

Don’t forget to check out more of your favorite douchebag’s antics at American Douchebag!
Like the dark lord of d-baggery, Rush Limbaugh has made a career of teaching Americans how to be complete and utter d-bags. To non-d-bags, Limbaugh is offensive in every possible way: he is a pompous college drop-out whose failure and inability to [...]

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Free markets

Ask any d-bag — they’ll tell you that America is great because we have free markets and free markets make you free.
This is not the kind of simple categorical mistake the uneducated make when they assume that because a word reoccurs in two different contexts that it has the same meaning both times (e.g. that [...]

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D-bags in the news: Charlie Black

Charlie Black is a straight shooter. Maybe that’s how he earned $57,426,252 in fees while working as a lobbyist for BKSH and Associates. He’s also been central in John McCain’s campaign for POTUS. When McCain is president, Black will no doubt be made minister of the interior or some other such post of influence and authority.
Black made [...]

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Hate

It’s true. I love hate. Hate is like a drug. It makes you high. It gives you clarity. It focuses you. It puts things in perspective. It’s actually better than cocaine.
I hate liberals; I hate the weak; I hate the strange; I hate the people in my way; I hate the woman with her crying [...]

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Dictionary of National d-bags: William O’Reilly

Bill O’Reilly isn’t your average d-bag. Not only did he finish college and get two post-graduate degrees (one from Harvard), he also worked in the mainstream press before accepting a position at the tabloid news magazine “Inside Edition”.
He is also above the average d-bag in the quality and coherence of his philosophy of d-baggery. Perhaps [...]

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Acting

Who doesn’t like to be entertained?
D-bags are attracted to many honorable professions: law, the military, project management, real estate, and public service to name just a few. But beneath it all, a d-bag is always an actor.
Some notable instances of d-bag acting today are:

CIA spokesman George Little. In a Senate hearing on the Bush administration’s [...]

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War profiteering

I bet you’ve noticed how d-bags like to brag about how they got rich, or plan to get rich, or got rich three generations ago. But money isn’t everything — even to a d-bag.
It’s not about winning and losing (always win, by any means necessary); it’s about how you play the game. Just being rich [...]

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The twenty-four hour news cycle: Sex and the Antichrist

If you are ever invited to a d-bag’s house, you will probably hear the television in the background playing Fox News or maybe CNN. This is because d-bags live on a twenty-four hour news cycle. News, weather, sports, and commentary are the lifeblood that rushes through a d-bag’s veins. When in the car, the d-bag [...]

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Nicknames

D-bags love nicknames. They love having them, and they love giving them. The more variations you have on your name, and the more variations you can impose on someone else, the bigger the d-bag you are. Some famous examples are:

Ernest “Papa” Hemingway
General George “Blood and Guts” Patton
Huey “Kingfish” Long
Al “Scarface” Capone
Jack “The Ripper” Ripper
George “The [...]

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Dynasty

What do d-bags love more than Falcon Crest?
Dynasty.
We’re not talkin’ Kennedys and Kerrys here, we’re talking Bush. D-bags looooove Bush. Why?
Most people like to think America was founded by Puritans: God-fearing, hard workers who earned every penny they made. These guys were so pure and good they didn’t even pass their wealth to their kids [...]

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Dropping out of college

D-bags are obsessed with status and money. And how do you get status and money?
A report from England’s Royal Economic Society in 2000 concluded that “each year extra in education yielded a 8% increase in pay.” They also concluded that “The findings also suggested that external experiences such as education could prove a stronger influence [...]

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Dictionary of National D-bags: Sean Hannity

(Editors note: After a month long hiatus, we will again me making weekly entries in the Dictionary of National D-bags.)

D-bags of the world unite! The only thing you have to lose is your brains!
Television and radio personality Sean Hannity is our latest entry to the Dictionary of National D-bags. We honor him here for being [...]

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American burqas

A burqa is an enveloping outer garment worn by women in some Islamic traditions for the purpose of cloaking the entire body. It is worn over the usual daily clothing (often a long dress or a shalwar kameez) and removed when the woman returns to the sanctuary of the household (see purdah). But every American [...]

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Cheap gas

It’s just past dark on Saturday night, and the d-bags are cruising up and down Main street in their muscle cars, hot cars, pimped out with neon clouds, thumping bass, and girls in thongs waving out the windows. A1A baby — all the way.

“An SUV is just safer. I don’t worry that I’m going to [...]

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P.I.M.P.

“Pimp” is a central concept in d-bag philosophy. (For an exhaustive sociological account of the word, its origin and development, and the positive modern connotation given it by d-bag philosophers read this article in Slate.) The word itself appears to have emerged in the late sixteenth century to represent someone, usually a man, who procures prostitutes [...]

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Abstinence

In game theory and economic theory, zero-sum describes a situation in which a participant’s gain or loss is exactly balanced by the losses or gains of the other participants. When the total gains of the participants are added up, and the total losses are subtracted, they will sum to zero.
If understood through d-bag theory, zero-sum [...]

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Young d-bags

D-bags know the children are our future — teach them well, and let them lead the way. Show them all the d-bag they possess inside.
This isn’t a movement! Movements are dominated by charismatic leaders, and when those leaders pass away the “movement” shrivels up and dies. Movements are spearheaded by revolutionaries and reactionaries, mentally unhinged [...]

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D-bags in the news: Juan Campos

“A car driven by an alleged drunken driver plowed into a bicycle race along a highway near the U.S.-Mexico border Sunday, killing one cyclist and injuring 10 others.”
“Juan Campos was apparently drunk and had fallen asleep at the wheel before crashing into the race in Monterrey, Mexico, police investigator Jose Alfredo Rodriguez said.”
“A photograph taken by [...]

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