At least once during their lives, Muslims must make a pilgrimage to Mecca. For d-bags it’s Las Vegas. What happens in Vegas is a d-bag’s noctural emission: legalized prostitution, easy money, free booze, all the fake boobies you can fit around a steam table buffet. Las Vegas (and to a lesser extent Los Angeles; Branson, MO; and Disney Land/World) is the ideal American city for a d-bag for the following reasons:
1) It is completely fake. Anything remotely organic has been sanitized into a bland uniformity, removing the possibility that something truly disgusting might happen (like seeing Muslims, or ugly, flat boobies). The conceptual geography has been leveled so that only objects that already exist in the mind of a d-bag will appear before the d-bag’s eyes. (This is not to say that d-bags don’t value authenticity — they do — they just like their authenticity manufactured by Disney or ESPN.)
2) Only winners play and only players win. In line with number 1 above, the only people invited to sit at a table with high rollers are high rollers, and all it takes to be a high roller is a fat wad of cash. It doesn’t matter whether you went to a state college or the ivy league, it doesn’t matter if you never finished high school; it doesn’t matter if you are Christian or Jew (no Muslims, please, unless they are Saudi royalty), Hindu or … other; it doesn’t matter if you mortgaged your house five times and sold your children to a white slavery ring; as long as you have long green you are a somebody. (In fact, if you HAVE mortgaged your house five times Vegas tells you it’s possible to win it all back! A d-bag never sweats the small stuff.)
3) You can visit New York City without having to actually go there. No annoying Jewish diamond merchants, bomb throwing Muslim terrorists, or bra burning feminists to ruin your day; but all the pizza, bagels and liberty you can choke on.
Vegas is the queen of d-bag destinations. But if you already live there (or L. A. or Branson or Celebration U. S. A.) and you need a vacation so you can party with other d-bags, try Miami (thongs), Atlanta (sex trade), or Cancun (“ethnic” food). Watch T.V. in different time zones! Taste the difference between hogies, grinders and subs! Expand your d-bag horizons!