Discerning White, ex-urban d-bags prefer PCs. It is, as they say, a no-brainer. Though many chose a PC for its simple, error-free operation, and others for its sleek, modern styling, generally a d-bag buys a PC because it’s cheap. As any economist or sociologist will tell you (i. e. David Brooks) this shows a modest, commonsense attitude to life appropriate to a d-bag’s core values of family, honesty and thrift. PC’s don’t pretend to be something they’re not (a problem incidental to Macs and their owners). A PC’s wholesome, family orientation (shown in the illustration to the right) comes from the fact that they are made in the good, old U. S. of A. by local companies (IBM, Dell) who treat their workers like family, with good wages, access to the best health care in the world, and ample retirement packages. A PC is not for everyone: hippies, gays, Muslims and the French need not apply! (Even though all-American, red-meat capitalists will make and sell PCs to the French, gays and Muslims, a deep sense of civic responsibility keeps us from advertising to them.) But the true secret of a PC’s appeal, buried deep in the obscure recesses of a d-bag’s heart, is its popularizer, Bill Gates. Would any rational creature buy a machine with Windows Vista pre-installed? Not even a d-bag! And yet we do so because we are in love with Bill Gates’s all-American success story — a young man from Anywhere U. S. A. (Seattle, WA), who could have gone to Harvard (being a natural genius), decides instead to enter the real world of business, where he bests (and almost bankrupts) liberal snob and Bay Area resident Steve Jobs by creating a crappy knock-off product, stolen from others’ hard work, for the purpose of swindling consumers all over the world. This display of crass self-interest and egotism draws reverent tears from d-bags of all walks. Amen, sayeth the d-bag. Amen.