There is no money a d-bag can’t spend if he can just get his hands on it. That is why d-bags of every social and economic class work together to promote deficit spending.
What is deficit spending? The simple answer is borrowing money you never intend to repay to acquire goods and services you can enjoy today. Examples of deficit spending run from the individual who maintains a permanent debt consisting of credit cards and home loans to the national government whose current national debt is 9.3 trillion dollars. (That’s $30,729.55 for every human citizen of the United States.) The difference is, the bigger the d-bag, the less likely they will pay off their debts. After all, a d-bag never sweats the small stuff. So while you are losing your house and your car, your POTUS is cutting taxes on your culture heroes, the guys who rake in hundreds of millions of dollars a year. And the funny thing is, that’s how we like it! Because hey! That’ll be me, as soon as I can rustle up another line of credit.
If you were a liberal, an environmentalist, or a Muslim, you might say “Yo! That’s an unsupportable lifestyle!” But d-bags know the key to maintaining a high standard of living without having to save money is the magic word: growth. As any Laffable economist can tell you, future growth is the magic pill that solves all of todays worries. Future growth is “morning in America”; future growth is the happy side of the d-bag’s mantra, “I deserve it.” Future growth says debt is not a sin that will be meted to the fourth and fifth generations, or a self-deceiving way of selling your grandkids into indentured servitude to the Chinese; it says that debt as a percentage of GDP can be maintained because the d-bag can-do spirit we bequeath to our young’uns will teach them how to wriggle out of their own debts!
In the spirit of sportsmanship, we must give the devil her due. Though demented 60s hippy, Janis Joplin, reeked of patchouli when she was alive and stinks of death now, she did get one thing right: “tomorrow never comes, man.” Live it up!
Check out this fun article by Marketwatch.com’s Paul Farrell! Farrell is a Milton Friedman conservative, so why is he so angry? Because it seems he figured out that what 99% of Americans call “conservative” is actually just d-baggery!
The old definition of conservative: Trusting in the wisdom of our elders and practicing their virtues of thrift, honesty, and trustworthiness in order to honor their memory.
The NEW!!! definition of conservative (as espoused by Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, George W. Bush and Richard Cheney): Proving your manhood by cheating people too honest to think you’re such a d-bag.