Maybe it’s time to pull an Obambi and address the race issue….
You don’t have to be white to be a d-bag — but it helps! If you are like me — a d-bag — you are a member of an ancient fraternity. (Sig Ep, represent!) D-bags exist in all countries, speak all languages, are in every profession, and every station of life. Also, believe it or not, d-bags can be either men or women! The basic principles of d-baggery are these:
1) Having brains don’t count for sh*t. A nice tan, wind swept hair, and a prodigious set of stones will get you farther in life.
2) Paying attention is for pussies.
3) It is better to be hated and feared than loved.
4) I deserve it.
This last one is most important, ’cause this is the one that opens up d-baggery to those of non-European descent. Though in America d-bags have traditionally been white, d-baggery is enthusiastically open to all races, creeds and colors. Except Blacks. And Muslims. The former are traditionally barred from d-baggery originally because it was too threatening, and now because they are too authentic. (See illustration to the right.) The latter are too threatening. Some groups that the American Coalition of D-bags has been actively trying to recruit are Hispanics, Asians, and Indians (the ones from India; the others are both too threatening and too authentic). An important caveat: East Asian and South Asian men — better yet, first or second generation Americans of Asian descent — are preferable to Hispanic men because they don’t have as much of an accent or an attitude. And they don’t go around waving Mexican flags in the air on the 5th of May.
Though I will go into further depth on this issue in a later post, let me assure the reader that you too can be a d-bag as long as you follow the simple rules set out above.
So to you, white d-bag of whatever skin tone, we say welcome!