The Ivy League is expensive, exclusive, located in the North East, and features beautiful old buildings. All of these things are despised by white d-bags so logically it would seem that they all hate the Ivy League. But this is not true!
White d-bags have a tortured relationship with the Ivy Leagues, and if you broach the subject in the wrong way you can offend and even anger a white d-bag.
In the first place, many d-bags, white and off-white, did in fact attend an Ivy League school. Notable examples are Clarence Thomas, George Bush (41 and 43), and Richard Cheney (in his case only for one semester). But it is clear from scientific research that the Ivies are actually populated by liberal whites. So why are they such a source of fascination for d-bags?
Though d-bags have worked tirelessly for almost a century to found their own institutions of higher learning (Liberty University, University of Chicago, Stanford), the numbers simply stack up on the side of schools like Columbia (252-years-old), Princeton (262-years-old) and Harvard (372-years-young). No matter how petty and spiteful, d-bags fundamentally revere authority, and nothing says authority like 1) numbers and 2) elders. Mathematically it is impossible for a d-bag not to find an Ivy degree impressive.
Although a d-bag will generally believe any talking head on TV with a Ph. D. behind his name (Dr. Phil), d-bags with Ivy degrees get special deference — especially if they dropped out or got an MBA (see above). What d-bags don’t like is the Ivies’s reputation for culture, but this problem is easily solved in the mind of a d-bag if the person with the Ivy degree has the correct politics. In such a case the d-bag will proudly introduce himself or his friend as “Mr. D-bag, MBA from Harvard.” If the d-bag meets a Barack Obama supporter who went to Brandeis, however, he will assume 1) he attended an Ivy and 2) that he majored in either English or Anthropology.
When discussing the Ivies with a d-bag try to find out first if he attended one. This will be simple because he will either announce the fact within five minutes of the start of the conversation, or he will tell you he has a book deal. Next, pretend to be impressed and frustrated at this fact. To undercut a d-bag’s assumed authority by suggesting that his Ivy degree isn’t more valuable than the crown jewels is extremely offensive to Ivy educated d-bags. If he didn’t attend an Ivy, pretend he went to Stanford — to a d-bag it’s the same thing.