Comprising 83% of the comedy duo Penn and Teller, Penn Jillette is our honored d-bag of the week.
Born in Greenfield, Massachusetts, Jillette performs both magic and social science, the former on stage and the latter on Showtime. He acquired two masters degrees at the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Clown College, one in Anthropology and the other in Kitten Juggling. Jillette was introduced to Raymond Joseph Teller in 1974 who convinced Jillette to give up strangling kittens to focus more on the social theory side of his magic show. From 1974 to 1980 Jillette did the field work that would lead to his groud-breaking off-Broadway dissertation: The Red Fingernail: D-bag identities and the Iconology of Chocolate Starfish 1955 – 1975. (Note the red fingernail Jillette displays in the illustration above.)
After his first, critically acclaimed off-Broadway book The Impersonation of Cultures: Essays on the Las Vegas Cockfight in 1981, Penn was able to realize his life-long dream of owning and living in a house like a prison, so in that year Jillette purchased a home in Las Vegas and dubbed it “The Slammer”. From deep inside the undsclosed location of his own wonderful world of Oz, Jillette thinks up material for his Showtime lecture series, Bullshit! an appropriately titled periodical manifesto on all things Jillette considers to be “pussy.”
When not empathizing with the human condition, Jillette spends his spare hours inventing gadgets to make life for the underprivileged more bearable. His most famous creation is the Jill-Jet, (officially known as the hydro-theraputic stimulator) a fixture that can be installed in a hot tub to spray warm water directly onto a woman’s punani. This device is also handy for distracting a woman from the face Jillette makes when he comes to crisis (see illustration at right). As proof of the invention’s efficacy, Jillette has two children, Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette, a daughter and a son, Zolten Penn Jillette. It is rumored that Jillette is now working on a device that will remove the years of scarring that accretes on celebrity children
with ridiculous names. Early trials on Moon Unit Zappa and China Slick (daughter of singer Grace Slick) proved tragically unsuccessful (if highly erotic), but Jillette has re-entered the studio after a “breakthrough” with his therapist, and tells SWDBL that a new prototype will be functional by the time his kids enter junior high.