For most of the twentieth century d-bags disdained facial hair. But this was not always the case! And it seems that some forms of facial hair, worn by the right sort of d-bag, have once again become a badge of honor among d-bags.
After World War I and the fall of the European monarchies “old skool” d-baggery fell out of fashion. As ideas about social justice, economic equity and the rule of law became standard in Europe and the United States, wearing a woodland creature on your upper lip or chin seemed like a quaint anachronism like “kings” or “divine right.” George V, King of England, Emperor of India and first King of the Irish Free State (pictured at right) was the last European monarch who sported a well-groomed Van Dyke, perhaps because after all the other monarchs had been slain in popular uprisings (from France 1789 to Russia 1917) it seemed prudent to hide your ancestral claim to wealth and power. From the time of Edward VIII the of wearing whiskers was abandoned by the better sort of d-bag in favor of a clean-shaven appearance.
During the twenties, the Great Depression, the Second World War, the Korean conflict, and most of Vietnam only miners, speculators, hobos and Daniel Day Lewis wore facial hair. The issue was particularly charged in the 60s when facial hair was worn by young men wishing to protest d-baggery. “Cut that job and get some hair” became a rallying cry for young men who eschewed personal power and “I deserve it” ideology in favor of public service, responsible use of natural resources and a Romantic agrarianism. Sadly, this movement was too fantastic and ideological to survive the realities of industrialized, global economies. It only served to provoke d-bags into taking back the ancient symbolic power of facial hair, which they had rashly abandoned at the dawn of the Modern age.
Fortunately for d-bags of all ages, facial hair is back! You can find it on bellicose d-bags like John Bolton (pictured above), professional d-bags in the corrections, military, and police industries, and on amateur d-bag intellectuals who want to look ten years older than they really are.