D-bags love nicknames. They love having them, and they love giving them. The more variations you have on your name, and the more variations you can impose on someone else, the bigger the d-bag you are. Some famous examples are:
- Ernest “Papa” Hemingway
- General George “Blood and Guts” Patton
- Huey “Kingfish” Long
- Al “Scarface” Capone
- Jack “The Ripper” Ripper
- George “The Decider” (or “W”) Bush
- Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove
Bro d-bags often give each other nicknames in their Juntas as a way of strengthening group identity and morale. This was dramatized in the hit 1977 comedy Animal House. In the same way, d-bag warriors are given nicknames by their superior d-bags.
The military use of nicknaming stretches back to the ancient world, where a warrior could gain a surname by performing exceptional feats of courage in battle. Coriolanus, a Roman general of the 5th century BCE was given his surname when he defeated the Volscian army at Corioli. In ancient times, nicknames could be a mark of valor.
In the modern age nicknames are primarily given and used by d-bags as a means of marking one’s territory. The Decider popularized the giving of nicknames to feckless subordinates in order to both prove their fecklessness as well as to preemptively protect them from acquiring accurate nicknames names like “panderer”, “crony”, and “thief”.