Every d-bag has a god-given right to freedom, and by freedom I mean driving a giant SUV. In order that we may form a more perfect union of consumer and consumption, our leaders — federal, state and local — took it upon themselves to make sure that no American would ever have to share his or her personal space on public transportation.
But freedom isn’t free. The price for freedom these days is just over $4 a gallon, and the end isn’t in sight. However, d-bags of all walks can feel triumph in the announcement that the largest American oil companies might receive no-bid contracts to drill for oil in Iraq. This accomplishes three key d-bag objectives:
- It proves that you can tell a bald-faced lie for years and get away with it
- It shows that having a solid pair of stones and never admitting defeat will, in fact, enrich you in the short term
- It shows that power is the ability to buy — and keep — politicians, news outlets, talking heads, government offices and private militias. (I am referring, of course, to Blackwater Mercenaries Inc.)
Join the revolution! Corruption is good for America, because I deserve it!