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Posts Tagged ‘Ann Coulter’

It has been thoroughly established on this blog that d-bags are that race of people who will populate the eighth circle of Hell. They are the hypocrites, the seducers and panderers, the  preachers of virtue who are themselves cesspools of depravity. They are the smug, self-righteous, selfish, and proud who feel that they are beyond the law but not beyond slandering others as lawbreakers. They seek advantage through unfair means and cry foul play when they lose to a superior opponent. They are the boastful, the braggarts, the blowhards and cowards, who prefer to use words rather than fists, but who are always spoiling for a fight.

When they do engage a fight, it’s either a suicide mission or a fight with someone weaker who they think will lose their nerve before the battle begins. In the last week there have been no less than three examples of what American d-baggery — promoted by Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter — has done to our national moral fabric.

Bruce E. Ivins worked for the past 18 years at the government’s biodefense labs at Fort Detrick, Md. Today he committed suicide rather than go to court for the charge of sending anthrax in envelopes to terrorist targets that killed five people. Mr. Ivins was the recipient of the 2003 Decoration for Exceptional Civilian Service. Though some think he may have sent out the pathogen to test a vaccine he was working on, Satan knows the truth: He wanted to justify the Bush administration’s war on terror by making it seem as though American was under attack.

Anthony Hopkins (no relation to the actor) is a preacher in Mobile, Alabama who has been arrested for murdering his wife, cutting up her corpse and stuffing it in a freezer. The police were tipped off to the crime by his 19 year-old daughter, who he is accused of sodomizing. Hopkins was arrested at a Christian revival preaching the word of Jesus to the congregation of believers.

Jim David Adkisson is the ripe, evil fruit of the d-baggery that has become so popular in the last 40 years. Mr. Askisson took a sawed-off shotgun in a church on July 27th, 2008 and shot seven people in cold blood. He wrote a note that he left in his car explaining his actions. (The note has yet to be released to the public.) Knoxville Police Department Investigator Steve Still wrote in a warrant to search Adkisson’s house that Adkisson went on a rampage at the church, “because of its liberal teachings and his belief that all liberals should be killed because they were ruining the country, and that he felt that the Democrats had tied his country’s hands in the war on terror and they had ruined every institution in America with the aid of major media outlets.”

As Knoxnews.com reports, “Still seized three books from Adkisson’s home, including ‘The O’Reilly Factor,’ by television commentator Bill O’Reilly; ‘Liberalism is a Mental Disorder,’ by radio personality Michael Savage; and ‘Let Freedom Ring,’ by political pundit Sean Hannity.”

Who is the biggest d-bag in the world today? We report, you decide.

 

Bang, bang you're dead!

Bang, bang you're dead!

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Some d-bags have suggested that regular white folks like to compare people they don’t like to Hitler. That may be true, but white folks have absolutely nothing on d-bags when it comes to throwing around terms like Hitler, fascist and anti-Semite.

The argument goes something like this: If you’re nice to other people you’re a liar and hypocrite. Deep down people are not nice — not at all! At least I (the d-bag) am honest about being a pompous, overbearing, selfish ass, and this means I am a freedom loving Republican. If you help people you actually take away their freedom by obliging them to yourself. Because we are all d-bags deep down we all resent being helped and put under an obligation.

Now, we d-bags love power. We love conspicuous displays of waste because it shows off our power. We love torturing children to show off our power. We love putting limits on what citizens can do and say to show off our power. We especially love signing statements.

The most straightforward definition of fascism is “authoritarian nationalist political ideologies or mass movements that are concerned with notions of cultural decline or decadence and seek to achieve a millenarian national rebirth by exalting the nation or race, and promoting cults of unity, strength and purity.” And the most straightforward exposition of such an ideology can be found in the mouths of Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, and Michele Malkin. But because these d-bag philosophers are Americans who love their country and hate people who don’t love it as much as they do, they aren’t fascists. No, it’s the liberals who want to help the poor, build public transportation, and protect the rights of all men and women who are the real authoritarian heirs to Hitler.

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Bang, bang you\'re dead!

Liberals, the French and white people often wrongly accuse d-bags of being misogynist. This is simply not the case. D-bags have always had a love affair with strong women.

Here are just a few examples of the strong women d-bags love: Martha Washington, Betsy Ross, Jenna Jamison, Doctor Quinn, medicine woman, Starbuck on the new Battlestar Gallactica, my mom, Pam Anderson, your mom, Nancy Reagan, Carrie Nation, and of course Ann Coulter. Each one of these women has given to their community selflessly without whining about how they got a raw deal from men, or burning their bras, or acting all cold and frigid, or pressing charges, or running to their big brothers and rich lawyer dads for protection.

It’s no coincidence that the ultimate strong woman is married to the ultimate d-bag. In her heroic novel Sisters the lives of archetypal strong women from the mythical days of the American frontier are painted with strong colors that never fade or run. The story is a historical novel set in Cheyenne, Wyoming in 1886. Sophie Dymond, a magazine editor in New York, comes home to Cheyenne after the death of her sister, Helen. Sophie discovers a letter written to her sister by a woman who teaches school in Cheyenne. The letter reads, “Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men. We shall find ourselves a secluded bower where they dare not venture. There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement. In the evenings I shall read to you while you work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl. . .” (ellipsis in original). Obviously strong women don’t need a man to justify their existence. (Though they do need ellipses to suggest hot, moist sex.) The point is driven home in another passage: “The women who embraced in the wagon were Adam and Eve on a dark cathedral stage — no, Eve and Eve, loving one another as they would not be able to once they ate of the fruit and knew themselves as they truly were. She felt curiously moved, curiously envious of them . . . she saw that the women in the cart had a passionate, loving intimacy forever closed to her. How strong it made them.” Indeed, a strong woman (Ann Coulter inevitably comes to mind) may herself play the role of Adam, “the man” in Hebrew, when it is required! The Bible explicitly says there is no Adam and Steve, but as Mrs. Cheney has deftly demonstrated, it didn’t say anything about Ann and Eve. Young d-bags need strong women as role models. Any women who can out d-bag a d-bag is a wonder and a prodigy. And really, weren’t d-bags originally made for women?

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