D-bags are obsessed with status and money. And how do you get status and money?
A report from England’s Royal Economic Society in 2000 concluded that “each year extra in education yielded a 8% increase in pay.” They also concluded that “The findings also suggested that external experiences such as education could prove a stronger influence than any genetic ‘blueprint.'” What should we take from this report? First, that hard work and application are more important to success than flair, good hair and a hefty set of stones. Second, that the more time you spend in school, the more prepared you will be to grasp your opportunity when it comes knocking at your door. To elaborate the second point a bit, it should be pointed out that school not only gives you a set of skills (bow hunting, computers, whatever) it also socializes you. That is, it teaches you how to be a team player, how to learn from your and others’ mistakes, and what it is an educated person should know.
If the guaranteed road to success is through school — higher education, post-graduate education, professional education — why is it that d-bags are so in love with the rich college dropout?
Guys like Bill Gates, Steve Ballmer, and Larry Ellison are heroes to many d-bags. So are Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Barry Goldwater. They are all college dropouts. Dick Cheney did them all one better and dropped out of Yale combining a d-bag’s reverence for the Ivy League with a d-bag’s contempt for it. (Cheney finished his BA and MA at the University of Wyoming). Though Gates is left-leaning (as are some other notable college dropouts like Woody Allen and Tom Hanks), on the whole the most inspirational story for a d-bag is the tale of a conservative who was too talented and ambitious to stick around the liberals and pussies in college who would put limits on his d-baggery with rules and feel-good rounds of kumbaya. Free from false modesty and restraint, the heroic d-bag set off on his own to make a fortune.
Though though you don’t have to be smart to be rich, most d-bags are sure that if you are smart you can’t be rich. Why is this? D-bags associate intelligence and it’s attributes — sensitivity to others’ feelings, a taste for complexity or difficulty, the ability to negotiate ambiguity and irony — with effeminacy and weakness. Strength, which is easy to understand, is physical, tangible, and can impose its will through brute force. So when a d-bag imposes his will to be rich on the world by defying the reality that it is more likely for a d-bag to become a billionaire by playing the lottery than by dropping out of college and starting a business, he has justified his own existence.
A PC’s wholesome, family orientation (shown in the illustration to the right) comes from the fact that they are made in the good, old U. S. of A. by local companies (IBM, Dell) who treat their workers like family, with good wages, access to the best health care in the world, and ample retirement packages. A PC is not for everyone: hippies, gays, Muslims and the French need not apply! (Even though all-American, red-meat capitalists will make and sell PCs to the French, gays and Muslims, a deep sense of civic responsibility keeps us from advertising to them.) But the true secret of a PC’s appeal, buried deep in the obscure recesses of a d-bag’s heart, is its popularizer, Bill Gates. 
Would any rational creature buy a machine with Windows Vista pre-installed? Not even a d-bag! And yet we do so because we are in love with Bill Gates’s all-American success story — a young man from Anywhere U. S. A. (Seattle, WA), who could have gone to Harvard (being a natural genius), decides instead to enter the real world of business, where he bests (and almost bankrupts) liberal snob and Bay Area resident Steve Jobs by creating a crappy knock-off product, stolen from others’ hard work, for the purpose of swindling consumers all over the world. This display of crass self-interest and egotism draws reverent tears from d-bags of all walks. Amen, sayeth the d-bag. Amen.
Stuff White D-Bags Like 