Posts Tagged ‘GGW’

Who is Christian Lander? He is the the reason for the rant, the hero of American d-baggery in 2008, a beacon to those feeling lost in a sea of Obamamania.

Most commentators in the press incorrectly tag Lander (or as I affectionately call him, Chandler) as a satirist. Satire (as opposed to, say, polemic) seeks to correct people’s vices and follies by getting them to laugh at themselves. You might think that Lander’s send-up of “white people” practices like worrying whether or not a couple is compatible based on shared literary tastes, or gathering socially to play “kids games” is proof that he is writing satires of people who have more money than sense. Making fun of rich people who are socially awkward has a long and venerable tradition reaching back to ancient times. From Mennipius to Juvenal, to Dryden and Swift, to The Onion, making fun of people who confuse their wealth with their personal worth has an honored place in our culture. If he were a satirist it would make him a traditional moral conservative, someone who believes that foudational values like modesty, charity, honesty, justice, temperance, patience, courage and fortitude are being corrupted by selfishness, laziness, smug complacency, and a falsely inflated sense of self-worth (also known as pride).

But is Lander a moral conservative? No. He is a movement conservative. What’s the difference?

Where true social conservatives decry deteriorating morals, movement conservatives in the past half century have reconceptualized values (making them “values”) in an attempt to fuse free-market ideology with more traditional d-bag philosophy. Then they give it ideological cover by claiming their greed, fear, and pride is really thrift, prudence, and pluck. By making greed a virtue and power an end in itself they reject traditional conservatism for a revolutionary critique of traditional morals. Being modest, kind, honest, just and temperate becomes a sign of weakness. Being skeptical is spun as indecision and lack of spine. They gave up dispassionate critical thinking for revolutionary zeal. When moral conservatives became movement conservatives they morphed into the very thing they used to hate.

Lander himself is a paradigm of this kind of d-baggery. Leaving the sangfroid of his native Canada for greener ideological pastures in the United States, Lander found himself in a graduate program in English at Indiana University. There he realized his intellectual gifts were modest at best, and being a movement conservative he considered this someone else’s fault. (Conservatives are big on self-reliance — in others.) Having more sense than some other disaffected d-bags (VA Tech, etc.) he decided not to invest in AKs and Glocks, but rather to invest in a menial, low-paying job in Southern California, one that gave him enough free time to pursue his interests: fantasy football, getting turned down by girls, eating Taco Bell, blogging, and being a complete douche. The anti-intellectualism of his writing is covered with the emotional scars of being too dumb to compete with smart people.

It was easy for Lander to find a voice for his d-baggery: It was developed for him by his spiritual forebears from Irving Kristol to David Brooks. And it didn’t hurt that his sullen, resentful temperament and self-loathing alienation resonate with d-bags all over the English speaking world, who think they are twice as smart as they are and three times smarter than everyone else. Being vicious, voyeuristic and smugly superior to the culture that produced you is de rigueur for d-bags, so Lander only had to speak from the heart to express the Britney/Paris, reality TV, fake-tits-and-porn, post-racial, globalized worldview and its critique of “inauthentic” (i.e. European high) culture.

But the key to his success with Stuff White People Like is the fact that Chandler does not identify as “white” — though his skin tone appears to say otherwise. Being a fan of power for its own sake and worshipping in the Cult of Masculinity (that is, loving anything corporate no matter how bad it is, thinking war is fun, and idolizing sports figures as heroes though they may be the biggest sociopaths on earth) is a trait common to all d-bags from all races and nations. But it’s the hypocrisy of pride endemic to people who believe they come from an ancient and venerable people but who have in fact been colonized and treated as outsiders for so long that they are self-loathing that separates the movement conservative from your average knuckle-dragging jerk. Who are these people? In the United States, these are off-white d-bags: Asians (Chinese especially, but also Filipinos, Koreans), Jews, Indians (from India — not “Native Americans”) — basically anyone who comes from a place where England planted a colony.

Racist discourse (like fascist discourse) relies on myths of purity, authenticity, and priority. “White” Americans are not just rich and foolish, their culture isn’t as old or pure as the cultures of off-white d-bags.  “White” Americans don’t know if they come from a colonizing people (didn’t the Germans rape the Congo?) and therefore they repudiate their past, which makes them posterior and inauthentic. And worst of all in the eyes of a d-bag, they still have the power — the skin privileges — their colonizing forebears worked so hard to bequeath them, but they just don’t seem to appreciate it. And this, in a d-bag’s eyes, is the greatest sin imaginable, because a d-bag wants that power so badly they can taste it, but they still don’t feel like they have it. And so a d-bag like Chandler will do everything in his power to belittle those more powerful than himself, but not from a noble impulse to correct human vices. Chandler is really just a hater.

Why is Chandler’s racism particularly dangerous in 2008? As Charles Blow points out, racism is very much alive in the minds of voters this year. Stuff White People Like tells us if you are non-white you have the right to be as racist, intolerant, and supremacist as any conservative WASP redneck shooting up churches in Tennessee. It’s time to call a shvartser a shvartser. Chandler is telling you it’s OK to hate your enemies based on the color of their skin — especially if they’re “white”.


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As I have made clear in earlier posts (Thongs, Las Vegas, Tits, Negs, The Stalag, Britney, Josef Fritzl, Hot Cars, GGW, Juntas) d-bags loooooove kinky sex. To enjoy sex in itself is not unusual, as most of God’s creatures find pleasure in copulation. As the old song goes, “birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it.” Human beings, moreover, being more complex than fleas, bees, or even birds, have a more complex relationship with this most natural of acts, and that again is no cause for surprise or alarm. It is not remarkable that men and women feel love, anger, shame or even fear when engaging in sex, and that those feelings can heighten the pleasure — the thrill — of sex. It is also not remarkable that human beings, whose tastes are so varied in food, fashion, religious experience, etc., would have equally varied tastes in what pushes their erotic buttons. Pure empirical analysis of human culture and history make plain that there is nothing unusual (which is not to say taboo, immoral or wrong) with every conceivable kink from homosexuality to monk-like, self-flagellatory abstemiousness. Kinky sex makes the world go round.

For a d-bag kinky sex has a special significance. D-bags like to take the principle “I deserve it” to absurd lengths. They feel it releases them from the duty to act toward others as they would have others act towards them. Josef Fritzl is a paradigmatic example of this form of d-baggery. Not all d-bags have the inspiration or ability to lock their daughters in a dungeon and rape them for thirty years — but that is not to say Fritzl was unique! The Marc Dutroux affair in Belgium demonstrates that this extreme perversion is possibly wide spread, and perhaps even institutionalized by syndicated crime organizations. Nor is this unique to the modern age. The Marquis de Sade wrote in the 1700s in his fictional novel 120 Days of Sodom about a group of four powerful men who kidnap children (including their own daughters) and imprison them in a remote mountain castle where they ritually rape and eventually murder them. The men represent the four types of power in France in the eighteenth century: one is a duke (government), one is a judge (law), one is a banker (business), and one is a bishop (religion), but their types are clear and obvious to us today. One needs only think of Mark Foley and Ted Haggard to see that power secular and spiritual is still human and corruptible, and Sade’s point was that it is easier for the very powerful to commit crimes than for the poor and weak who are usually its victims.

As horrifying as these crimes are, they are not the end of the d-bag’s enjoyment of kinky sex. Though it may seem contrary to common sense, d-bags take this sort of sexual perversion even farther by reveling in the hypocrisy of denouncing others as sexual perverts. The true essence of “I deserve it” cannot be appreciated unless you can self-righteously punish someone else for your own crimes. Take TV talking head Bill O’Reilley for example. O’Reilley obviously gets inordinate pleasure of the kind normally associated with sexual perversion from publicly humiliating people on his show. It is a perfectly Sadean setup that allows O’Reilley to get his jollies by publicly calling into question the sexuality of his guests. O’Reilley controls the medium: he can cut off his interlocutors whenever he feels like it, call his guests perverts and sissies, and he always has the last word. His guests are merely passive faces who must suffer through his lascivious rants and insults until he excuses them to perdition, and they have no recourse to turn the megaphone around. Though it has never been proven that O’Reilley has committed pederasty, incest or rape, his show is a symbolic rape of of the powerless and shows O’Reilley is a d-bag who thinks he is above reproach. (Remember that O’Reilley has been accused of sexual harassment, and his accuser claimed that O’Reilly subjected her to repeated instances of open and explicit talk about phone sex, vibrators, threesomes, masturbation, the loss of his virginity, and sexual fantasies. The same principle is at work when convicted drug addict Rush Limbaugh rants against drug users.) The ultimate sexual perversion for these lords of d-baggery is to publicly accuse others of crimes they feel they can commit with impunity.

Is it any wonder that our media is saturated with hysteria over pedophilia and sex crimes when those who own and operate the media are themselves perverts? In three separate news items today, the 19th of May, 2008 Americans have been told that the Supreme Court has upheld a law that would make the mere insinuation of pedophilia a crime, that a 6-year-old son of polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs did not suffer physical or sexual abuse while living with his mother at the group’s Texas ranch (why is this news?), and that Amanda McNamee of Dickinson, N.D (pictured above) is watching over us (or rather, is watching over sex offenders) to protect us from perversion. The ambiguity of her stare from the New York Times web site is no accident either. As we surf through salacious stories of polygamist sects and lenient judges, drooling over secret details of a crime that O’Reilley mentions are unmentionable, we are told by her stare that “justice” sees guilty and innocent indiscriminantly, promiscuously mixed, that we are all already guilty, and that unless we join the shrill chorus of accusers, we will be a member of the accused.

In the end, d-bag philosophy asserts that there is no uninterested party. Either you are vehemently, outrageously, hysterically against the pedophiles — or you are one.

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The Girls Gone Wild franchise, created by Joseph R. Francis, is a series by the production company Mantra Films, Inc. Girls Gone Wild producers and crews patrol a party-heavy area frequented by young adults in search of attractive young women who agree to expose their bodies for the camera, usually in exchange for a tank top and sometimes short pants. This involves exposure of breasts and/or buttocks and genitals, sometimes further removal of clothing, and sometimes the camera crew following a group of girls back to a hotel or other location and taping them engaging in additional sexual activities/intercourse.

This format appeals to d-bags of all ages, from “bro” to “Josef Fritzl” because it offers a d-bag vicarious enjoyment of pleasures such as but not limited to tits, thongs and reality TV, as well as suggesting cocaine use and/or cornholing.

Because the rule of d-baggery is “I deserve it” the commodification of women should obviously be something he enjoys.

The most famous “Girl Gone Wild” is Ashley Youmans, a.k.a. Ashley Rae Maika DiPietry, a.k.a. Ashley Dupre, a.k.a. Kristen who was the prostitute who serviced former New York Governnor Eliot Spitzer. This fact constitutes what is know to d-bags as “masturbation material” for several reasons. First, it proves that those letters to Penthouse actually are true; second, it shows that if you are a big enough d-bag you will be able to hit that class of punani; and third, it reaffirms in the mind of a d-bag that girls really are sluts fundamentally, court orders and Uma Thurman be damned.

GGW is part of a genre of porn that employs the conventions of reality TV to highten the voyeuristic thrill inherent in porn. This is also known as “gonzo porn” and “reality porn“. After a bro has graduated to d-bag-hood he may find more pleasure watching something more SAS than GGW, and fortunately there are many options for the consumer who says, “I deserve it.” One of the most successful and famous reality porn franchises is “Bang Bros“. The original idea was to travel around Miami trying to convince strangers to get into a van where they would be offered money to answer some questions, but with suggestive pressure would be coerced into sex with one or several members of the men in the van. At the end of the scene the men in the van convince the woman to get out of the bus (to get something at a store or to pee on the side of the road) and then the bus roars off before the men have given the woman the money promised for her participation. The site’s popularity quickly led to a diversification of the brand, and now Bang Bros has a score of sites with revenues of several million dollars a year. Other official Bang Bros offerings include Facial Fest, Ass Parade, Spring Break, Mom’s Anal, and Blowjob Ninjas.

The success of GGW and reality porn in general shows the ubiquity of bro culture that developed in frat houses in the nineties when the intersection of technology and homosocial eroticism was brought to bear on the bodies of all-too-willing young women. The story of GGW for bros is simple: you deserve it, so go ahead and take it. For women, GGW is a lesson: if you want to be noticed you have to get ahead.

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6 fraternities suspended in drug probe

at San Diego State U.

SAN DIEGO (AP) – San Diego State University has suspended six fraternities after a sweeping drug investigation that landed dozens of students in jail on suspicion of openly dealing drugs on campus.

The probe—prompted by the cocaine overdose death last year of a freshman sorority member—led to the arrests of 96 people, 75 of them San Diego State students. A second drug death occurred during the investigation.



Some other points of interest to d-bags: Southern California, Fraternities, “I deserve it” entrepreneurship.

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