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Posts Tagged ‘Hypocrisy’

It has been thoroughly established on this blog that d-bags are that race of people who will populate the eighth circle of Hell. They are the hypocrites, the seducers and panderers, the  preachers of virtue who are themselves cesspools of depravity. They are the smug, self-righteous, selfish, and proud who feel that they are beyond the law but not beyond slandering others as lawbreakers. They seek advantage through unfair means and cry foul play when they lose to a superior opponent. They are the boastful, the braggarts, the blowhards and cowards, who prefer to use words rather than fists, but who are always spoiling for a fight.

When they do engage a fight, it’s either a suicide mission or a fight with someone weaker who they think will lose their nerve before the battle begins. In the last week there have been no less than three examples of what American d-baggery — promoted by Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter — has done to our national moral fabric.

Bruce E. Ivins worked for the past 18 years at the government’s biodefense labs at Fort Detrick, Md. Today he committed suicide rather than go to court for the charge of sending anthrax in envelopes to terrorist targets that killed five people. Mr. Ivins was the recipient of the 2003 Decoration for Exceptional Civilian Service. Though some think he may have sent out the pathogen to test a vaccine he was working on, Satan knows the truth: He wanted to justify the Bush administration’s war on terror by making it seem as though American was under attack.

Anthony Hopkins (no relation to the actor) is a preacher in Mobile, Alabama who has been arrested for murdering his wife, cutting up her corpse and stuffing it in a freezer. The police were tipped off to the crime by his 19 year-old daughter, who he is accused of sodomizing. Hopkins was arrested at a Christian revival preaching the word of Jesus to the congregation of believers.

Jim David Adkisson is the ripe, evil fruit of the d-baggery that has become so popular in the last 40 years. Mr. Askisson took a sawed-off shotgun in a church on July 27th, 2008 and shot seven people in cold blood. He wrote a note that he left in his car explaining his actions. (The note has yet to be released to the public.) Knoxville Police Department Investigator Steve Still wrote in a warrant to search Adkisson’s house that Adkisson went on a rampage at the church, “because of its liberal teachings and his belief that all liberals should be killed because they were ruining the country, and that he felt that the Democrats had tied his country’s hands in the war on terror and they had ruined every institution in America with the aid of major media outlets.”

As Knoxnews.com reports, “Still seized three books from Adkisson’s home, including ‘The O’Reilly Factor,’ by television commentator Bill O’Reilly; ‘Liberalism is a Mental Disorder,’ by radio personality Michael Savage; and ‘Let Freedom Ring,’ by political pundit Sean Hannity.”

Who is the biggest d-bag in the world today? We report, you decide.

 

Bang, bang you're dead!

Bang, bang you're dead!

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Nothin’ says d-bag like letting your clothes do the insulting. (Thanks to the SkepTick at www.wayofthewoo.blogspot.com for the heads up.)

Once a long time ago d-bags were content to wear T-shirts that said “I’m only 2 girls short of a 3-some”, “I’m not a gynecologist, but I’ll take a look”, and “It’s not a bald spot; it’s a solar panel for a sex machine”. That was a simpler age, when the threat of communism had worn off but before Islamofascism and autism had taken its place.

Not only is it OK in d-bag America to say things that would have been condemned by our grandparents, it is obligatory to wear them on your chest as a way of identifying yourself to other d-bags.

The charm of d-baggery isn’t joining a junta, persecuting innocent people just because you think you’re bigger, or even exploiting those who nurture and sustain you to prove you’re a pimp (though those are perks). No, the icing on a d-bag’s nuttsack is the ability to insult people to their faces, daring them to fight back.

And when they do fight back, you can accuse them of breaking the rules of social decorum.

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This one actually takes a minute of brain power, ’cause it’s a little counter-intuitive. Why would a d-bag like — even love — Iran? There are so many things to dislike about the place. It’s full of Muslims. It is a spoke on the Axis of Evil. It embarrassed the Carter administration and helped get Reagan elected president. Ok, that’s not so bad. In fact, this line of thinking is why d-bags, in their secret heart of hearts love Iran. Without Iran there would be no excuse for a d-bag to interrupt polite dinner conversation so he can scream, red-faced, about liberal appeasers, Hitler, and the essentially Satanic nature of government services like socialized medicine, effective disaster relief, and paved roads. Iran is hard proof that Evil (notice the capital “e”) exists and that it will use our weakness and lack of respect for authority to contaminate us and taint our purity. It is the Beast of Revelations that calls us forth to battle gloriously for the one, true God.

I bet you’re like, Chunque, that rhetoric is soooooo first Bush II term. No one says that kind of thing in public anymore. Maybe not. But just because saber rattling has gone out of style doesn’t mean Iran as a justification for d-bag politics has gone away! Check out these articles from Fox News, Reuters, and even the New York Times. That’s the “mainstream” media (the same d-bags who sold us Saddam’s WMDs). This article by d-bag philosopher Peter Wehner in the latest issue of Commentarymagazine.com tells us as clearly as possible that “if Iran succeeds in its efforts to gain nuclear weapons, it could bring forth ruin on an unimaginable scale.” Mr. Wehner, in a heartfelt attempt to resist exaggeration and false analogy tell us “The Hitler analogy is overused these days. But from time to time it can be instructive.” Indeed. It is also instructive when talking about Saddam Hussein, Hugo Chavez, Kim Jong Il, and even Barack Obama (playing the role of Neville Chamberlain). You say, even Pat Buchanan says the Hitler gambit is played out and misleading. Maybe so, but that didn’t stop the POTUS from using it last month to slam the opposition.

Part of what makes a d-bag is their sense of self-worth and importance, which is completely out of proportion to reality. This is why d-bags are so fond of eschatology, or the science of apocalypse, a. k. a. the End Times or Last Days. (Seriously, check that link out!) If you live at the End of History you must be living in the most exciting — and important — time there can be! You might even be the one who rises from obscurity to save the unbelieving world from total annihilation — or better yet, perhaps you will lead the saints to the New Jerusalem! And the road to Jerusalem leads right through downtown Tehran. That many d-bags urge action against Iran because of Ahmadinejad’s apocalyptic beliefs is almost too ironic. You can’t make this stuff up! For Wehner to say “Ahmadinejad’s policies are driven by his religious worldview” with a straight face is more laughs than an episode of “My Name Is Earl”! Fortunately for the evangelical sort of d-bag (Jewish, Christian and Muslim) history isn’t ending any time soon, but there will still be lots of Anti-Christs around to provide a justification for d-baggery. As the A-number-1 d-bag of the twentieth century said in his seminal primer of contemporary d-baggery:

“My feeling as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders. How terrific was His fight for the world against the Jewish poison. To-day, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before the fact that it was for this that He had to shed His blood upon the Cross. As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice… And if there is anything which could demonstrate that we are acting rightly it is the distress that daily grows. For as a Christian I have also a duty to my own people.” — A. Hitler.

P.S. For fun substitute “Muslim” for “Jew” in the passage above and see how familiar it feels!

 

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