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Posts Tagged ‘Neocon’

(Michelle Malkin)

It should be obvious by now that d-baggery is an American version of an authoritarian nationalist political ideology. D-baggery rails against cultural decline and decadence, and it seeks to achieve a national rebirth by exalting our great nation (and race!). D-baggery advocates unity, strength and purity both in the spirit and in the flesh. It is the unshakable belief in a strong masculine authority — a father, a leader, a Dark Lord — who must remain beyond the reproach of his children, beyond restraint, able to do whatever is necessary at any time and employ His awesome power in whatever way He sees fit, to destroy the enemy and ensure that our traditional life is renewed. He is, of course, a blond beast, one whose fair complexion shows his natural, physical superiority over the degenerate races who were rightfully conquered by our d-bag forbears and put to work making the bricks that compose our national monuments.

D-baggery is much more than just a political ideology though! It is also a lifestyle. It is a worldview. It even comes with its own science. When it looked like d-baggery was on the run in Europe after the end of the Second World War, and when it looked like Soviet era d-baggery was through with the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, American d-bags rose to the challenge to resurrect d-baggery using the cast-off scraps from decolonized third world countries like the Philippines, Iraq, Ireland, and Canada. At the end of the Twentieth Century, d-baggery achieved what it had been incapable of achieving in Italy, Germany, Spain or Japan in the 1930s: a coalition of genocidal, racist, sexist, homophobic — heterophobic! — revolutionaries who are the very thing they despise! Isn’t it wonderful?

Part of the d-bag lifestyle is the mantra, “I deserve it.” Of course, the unspoken correlative to the mantra is, “and I’m going to take it from you.” Because that’s where being a d-bag becomes fun! D-bags understand law, right, and justice to be concepts affected by gravity: the bigger the social object is (e.g. Rush Limbaugh or Scooter Libby) the more the law protects their rights like a force field and the less power justice has to punish. For example, when the poor and powerless shoot heroin they are criminal scum who deserve nothing short of life imprisonment or execution, but when Rush scams fifteen doctors to get his fix of OxyContin — hillbilly heroin — he can have the case dismissed and his reputation vouched for by all his upstanding d-bag friends. Government does not have the right to tell you what kind of car you can drive, but it is obligated to provide you with cheap gas — even if that means prosecuting an unprovoked war. Scooter Libby, following in the venerable footsteps of Oliver North, not only is allowed to break the law, but is obligated to break the law as proof of his patriotism. This is what it means to be a d-bag: the privilege of doing what you accuse as criminal in others.

Though they would never admit it in polite company, d-bags love irony. And the fact that some of the biggest defenders of white, male supremacy should be neither white nor male is an irony that warms the fires of hate in a d-bag’s heart — even during the cold winter of peace and prosperity.

Bang, bang you're dead!

Bang, bang you're dead!

So when a strong woman calls another woman a slut, a bitch or a whore; when a black man calls another black man a nigger, and a cotton-headed coon then berates him for laziness; when an Asian woman calls herself a slant-eyed, slope, zipper-head and a gook, d-bags around the world raise a cheer. These are off-white d-bags. The irony is they are the beneficiaries of the liberal, uplift, social justice ideology they hate. Most off-white d-bags received special privileges unavailable to other people with whom they might be expected to identify. Clarence Thomas got into Yale through affirmative action; Ann Coulter can vote; and the Neo-Cons, denied entrance to the Ivy League were accepted to City College CUNY — a truly liberal liberal arts institution. But now that they got theirs, they are more than happy to deny the privilege to the new generation of the needy.

Can Filipinos be d-bags? Sure! Can Jews be d-bags? Absolutely. Anyone who thinks God gave them the right to dispossess another human being of his property, liberty, and life without the due process of law or ethical feelings (do to others as you would be done to) is a fundamental d-bag. But because d-baggery is a belief that might makes right, combined with the perverse satisfaction of using fraud and guile to pretend to might without actually having to work for it, off-white d-bags are paradoxically the paragons of d-baggery. They are ideological cover for the continued degradation of ethics, honesty, justice, and morality by the purveyors of hatred, fear, intolerance and perfidy.

Does this come as a shock? Is it surprising that human beings of all backgrounds might want to obliterate any history of oppression and inferiority that clings to their people or themselves? Not at all. Is it a surprise that men and women want to be able to determine their futures and chose their own fates? No. Is it hypocrisy beyond wickedness that a former revolutionary who wants to ameliorate the condition of his people would, when the battle is won, become a more intolerable tyrant the the one he deposed? Yes. But to be a quintessential d-bag, he must also publish the old lie that some citizens are more equal than others, and that war is peace.

 And here we see the terrible utility of off-white d-bags to the cause of authoritarianism: Off-white d-bags prove that tolerance and forgiveness can be shamefully manipulated by the unscrupulous who make a valid claim on our conscience for reciprocity that they have no intention of honoring.

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It’s just past dark on Saturday night, and the d-bags are cruising up and down Main street in their muscle cars, hot cars, pimped out with neon clouds, thumping bass, and girls in thongs waving out the windows. A1A baby — all the way.

  • “An SUV is just safer. I don’t worry that I’m going to get hit by a truck or something on the highway.”

As fuel prices continue to rise, the Let’s Refuel America Program (by Chrysler) helps provide stability to the cost of fuel with a simple solution — locking in the price of unleaded or diesel fuel at $2.99/gallon for three years. (Good for 12,000 miles a year, or 33 miles a day, just enough to get you from the ex-urb to the office park and back.)

  • “With its unique size and HUMMER traits, the H3T is ideal for the customer who works hard and plays harder,” said Martin Walsh, HUMMER general manager. “It offers the combination of truck versatility and HUMMER off-road prowess.” In addition to its segment-defying size, the H3T also stands apart from other trucks with its signature HUMMER off-road capability. It is the only midsize truck to come standard with full-time four-wheel drive, 32-inch tires and functional skid shields. It also is the only midsize truck to offer front and rear locking differentials, as well as 33-inch tires – and the V-8-powered H3T Alpha can tow up to 5,900 pounds (2,676 kg).

DATELINE FOX NEWS: Senate Democrats failed to gain enough votes on an energy bill that would have imposed higher taxes on oil companies, which are making record profits as oil and gasoline costs continue surging higher.

Republicans led a charge against the tax, saying it would tinker with the market and lead to suppressed oil supplies at home, and wouldn’t bring in the money as planned.

  • In a March 16, 2003 Meet the Press interview of Vice President Dick Cheney, held less than a week before the Iraq War began, host Tim Russert asked the vice president about the anticipated costs of the war and its subsequent recovery. Cheney provided no numbers but noted: “In Iraq you’ve got a nation that’s got the second-largest oil reserves in the world, second only to Saudi Arabia. It will generate billions of dollars a year in cash flow if they get back to their production of roughly three million barrels of oil a day, in the relatively near future. And that flow of resources, obviously, belongs to the Iraqi people, needs to be put to use by the Iraqi people for the Iraqi people and that will be one of our major objectives.” Not only will that oil pay for the war, it will ensure low gas prices at home.

“These soaring gas prices shouldn’t sour our love affair with our vehicles. It’s going to take a lot for Americans to give up that freedom of mobility that they cherish.” — Rich White, executive director of the Car Care Council. (What a name, huh?)

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This one actually takes a minute of brain power, ’cause it’s a little counter-intuitive. Why would a d-bag like — even love — Iran? There are so many things to dislike about the place. It’s full of Muslims. It is a spoke on the Axis of Evil. It embarrassed the Carter administration and helped get Reagan elected president. Ok, that’s not so bad. In fact, this line of thinking is why d-bags, in their secret heart of hearts love Iran. Without Iran there would be no excuse for a d-bag to interrupt polite dinner conversation so he can scream, red-faced, about liberal appeasers, Hitler, and the essentially Satanic nature of government services like socialized medicine, effective disaster relief, and paved roads. Iran is hard proof that Evil (notice the capital “e”) exists and that it will use our weakness and lack of respect for authority to contaminate us and taint our purity. It is the Beast of Revelations that calls us forth to battle gloriously for the one, true God.

I bet you’re like, Chunque, that rhetoric is soooooo first Bush II term. No one says that kind of thing in public anymore. Maybe not. But just because saber rattling has gone out of style doesn’t mean Iran as a justification for d-bag politics has gone away! Check out these articles from Fox News, Reuters, and even the New York Times. That’s the “mainstream” media (the same d-bags who sold us Saddam’s WMDs). This article by d-bag philosopher Peter Wehner in the latest issue of Commentarymagazine.com tells us as clearly as possible that “if Iran succeeds in its efforts to gain nuclear weapons, it could bring forth ruin on an unimaginable scale.” Mr. Wehner, in a heartfelt attempt to resist exaggeration and false analogy tell us “The Hitler analogy is overused these days. But from time to time it can be instructive.” Indeed. It is also instructive when talking about Saddam Hussein, Hugo Chavez, Kim Jong Il, and even Barack Obama (playing the role of Neville Chamberlain). You say, even Pat Buchanan says the Hitler gambit is played out and misleading. Maybe so, but that didn’t stop the POTUS from using it last month to slam the opposition.

Part of what makes a d-bag is their sense of self-worth and importance, which is completely out of proportion to reality. This is why d-bags are so fond of eschatology, or the science of apocalypse, a. k. a. the End Times or Last Days. (Seriously, check that link out!) If you live at the End of History you must be living in the most exciting — and important — time there can be! You might even be the one who rises from obscurity to save the unbelieving world from total annihilation — or better yet, perhaps you will lead the saints to the New Jerusalem! And the road to Jerusalem leads right through downtown Tehran. That many d-bags urge action against Iran because of Ahmadinejad’s apocalyptic beliefs is almost too ironic. You can’t make this stuff up! For Wehner to say “Ahmadinejad’s policies are driven by his religious worldview” with a straight face is more laughs than an episode of “My Name Is Earl”! Fortunately for the evangelical sort of d-bag (Jewish, Christian and Muslim) history isn’t ending any time soon, but there will still be lots of Anti-Christs around to provide a justification for d-baggery. As the A-number-1 d-bag of the twentieth century said in his seminal primer of contemporary d-baggery:

“My feeling as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders. How terrific was His fight for the world against the Jewish poison. To-day, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before the fact that it was for this that He had to shed His blood upon the Cross. As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice… And if there is anything which could demonstrate that we are acting rightly it is the distress that daily grows. For as a Christian I have also a duty to my own people.” — A. Hitler.

P.S. For fun substitute “Muslim” for “Jew” in the passage above and see how familiar it feels!

 

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