Posts Tagged ‘Reagan’

Nothing gets on God’s nerves like hypocrites, falsifiers, syndicators and and slanderers. And he gets really mad when you tell his worshipers their pious moralizing is in bad taste.

Back in the 60s Malcolm X said we had to call Negroes “African-Americans”. In the 70s we had to learn what “environmentalism” meant. In the 80s — the greatest decade in the history of the United States — Liberal wingnuts told us it wasn’t “politically correct” to call Barnard College a girls’ school, throw our styrofoam Big Mac cartons out the window of our cars, or create a shadow government. In the 90s we made a comeback thanks to our d-bag heroes in the House and on the radio, giants of d-baggery like Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh. By the time our dark lord of d-baggery was elected to the highest office in the land it had become PC to be anti-PC!

The physics of it are as simple as the plot of a Tom Clancy novel or an episode of 24. If someone thinks you are an ass for being an ass, they are an ass; if you are an ass you are an honest, freethinking, moral, courageous, hero — but only so long as you accuse someone of being an ass because they accused you of being an ass because you were, in fact, being an ass. It’s a no-brainer.

When someone tells you you should be ashamed of yourself for being such a selfish, mean, sneaky, lying, smug, irritating blowhard, they’re being PC. When you tell someone they should watch what they say about America or else they might end up in Gitmo, you’re being a patriot. Be a free thinker. When someone points out your hypocrisy, accuse them of being PC!


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“Pimp” is a central concept in d-bag philosophy. (For an exhaustive sociological account of the word, its origin and development, and the positive modern connotation given it by d-bag philosophers read this article in Slate.) The word itself appears to have emerged in the late sixteenth century to represent someone, usually a man, who procures prostitutes for paying clients. The meaning of the word and public opinion about the occupation it describes was pejorative until an unlikely coalition of d-bags and SBM revived the term as a mark of masculinity in the late 20th century.

The SBM who relied on pimping in the 1970s as a means to economic subsistence were unquestionably d-bags: they not only cultivated the image of being violent, ruthless predators preying on helpless women whom they sold into sexual slavery, they were in fact violent, ruthless, and without conscience. They were also, to use an economic metaphor, entrepreneurs in the service industry, petit bourgeoisie who never rose above the contempt in which “haute” d-bags held them. Dirty, coprophagous, and vile, professional pimps in the ghettoes of giant American cities were the raison d’etre the better sort of d-bag used as an excuse to cut social services in the 80s. Additionally, the war on crack cocaine, including “zero tolerance” policies and “three strikes” laws in the late 80s and early 90s meant that pimps who had wisely diversified into drug trafficking were being sent to prison for life where the only things available to pimp were their own rectums.

After the economic expansion of the 1990s and harsh sentencing techniques had rendered the pimp of the 1970s a mere legend, artists were freed from the messy reality of psychological trauma caused by prostitution to  glorify the masculinism of the pimp. The rise of “gansta” rap and the gentle humor of movies like “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka” paved the way for artists like 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg to market the pimp “lifestyle” to a broad audience, most of which is white, male, and under 40.

Seeing the links between masculinist myths of d-baggery and SBM, d-bag philosophers began at the beginning of the 21st century to rewrite the rule book of traditional d-bag racism in which Blacks in any sense were considered an evil threat to be extirpated at all costs. Gone are the lynchings of yore, the castrations and live immolations of Black men accused of eyeballing a white woman. White d-bags shrewdly realized that they could appropriate the pimp legend for their own cultural causes. Today even the the most pale-faced, lilly-livered Rove of a d-bag will perform SMB “pimp” routines in public and on camera. Now that being a “pimp” means playing hours of GTA IV, d-bags who want to display hyper-masculinity need not smack an actual bitch up; now they can smack a virtual bitch, which in the mind of a d-bag is the same thing. (This is especially true if the bitch is your mom.)  

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